40 Things I’ve Learned at 40

As I left my thirties behind last week, I found myself sitting on our stylish yet supremely uncomfortable sofa, clutching an extra-strong coffee, reassessing things. My flat had just been flooded, scuppering my high-flying birthday plans, and I had also come down with an extra-strong fever on the very day of my birth. Don’t feel too bad for me - with it being quite a big birthday, I had already blown out two sets of candles at different parties, with a third coming up on the weekend. But it was safe to say that the day itself was pretty much a disaster. Even so, it gave me the time to reflect and regroup.

I’ve been on this Earth for four whole decades now, and while I certainly wish I was wiser, there are some lessons I’ve learned during this crazy rollercoaster ride of a life (you will find that most of them revolve around food and clothing). Here are 40 things I will take into this brand-new and shiny decade:

1. The best thing about life are the people in it.

As I just mentioned, many awful things happened to me during the week of my birthday. Seriously, it was the shitstorm of the century - and I was blown away by the people who were there for me through it. People calling me on the day. People offering to help. People making bakery-style cakes for my party. People being generally amazing. People bringing flowers. Still feeling so grateful. Life lesson: surround yourself with great people and you’ll literally never need anything else.

2. Overdressed beats underdressed.

I’m not sure what brought this on - could be that mid-life crisis, but I recently had a brief period of going out without makeup, not always doing my hair or my nails. As expected, I hated it. By trudging through the streets of Brighton bare-faced, I've arrived at the realisation that I feel my best when I look my best, even if it's just to go to the supermarket to pick up oat milk. That's just who I am, red lipstick at 9am and all. Exception: the gym. I will never wear makeup to the gym.

3. If it’s not “wow”, it’s not worth it.

This goes for clothes, relationships, cities, experiences. Life in general. Not everything can be "wow", of course. But we should aim for it to be. Get as much "wow" in your life as you can. Even if it’s just a “wow” lunch in the middle of otherwise a “meh” day.

4. Protect your energy.

You don't need to follow ALL the gloom and doom news. You don't have to take all of humankind’s (and animalkind’s) misery and allow it entrance into your mindspace. Particularly for those of us who are into activism - a shield against the world’s horrors (often in the form of cute puppy videos) is sometimes necessary. Prioritise your own positivity, and fiercely protect your energy when you need to.

5. Buy the good phone. Good photos are forever.

Be that "let's take a photo!" person. Taking photos IS living in the moment - photos allow the moment to live forever.

6. Nothing tastes as good as vegan feels.

But also: 99.9% of vegan food is delicious as hell. 

7. Tell your family you love them.

Don't just assume they know. Tell them. All the time. You'll be glad you did.

8. Always have extra coffee at home.

You can run out of many things. Olive oil. Soy milk. Salt - sad times, though. Even toilet paper. But never, my friend, never run out of coffee.

9. Don't get hung up on the past and "what might have been".

If it could have been different, it would have been. 

10. Forgive yourself.

Because holding that grudge towards yourself does no one any good. It doesn't undo the harm done and it blocks evolution. Release the anger and self-hatred. Drop it like an old backpack you’ve outgrown.

11. Forgive others.

Especially if they never apologised.

12. Wear (cruelty-free, reef-safe) sunscreen. Even in February.

Seriously - this is how I almost didn't get into a club on my 36th birthday because "she looks under 18".

13. Wrinkles are gorgeous. Grey hair is gorgeous.

On the other hand, I think the lighting was a bit shady in that club. I did look over 18 - twice it, to be exact. And I'm fine with that. Looking your age is perfectly fine, and not something to fight.

14. It's okay to choose alcohol-free every once in a while.

Fun will be had regardless. Stomach burns will not. Also, note to bars: for the love of all that's sacred, step up your alcohol-free game! Not Coke, please. A nice non-alcoholic wine is possible, you know.

15. Skinny jeans sag around the knees after a while. Go wide leg.

Oh, my dear skinny jeans. You've been so loyal for so many seasons. But now, you're mainly staying in my wardrobe for hiking days. Otherwise, high-waist wide-leg it is.

16. Be the friendly colleague.

Think about it: which colleague have you had through the years that you remember the most? I bet it was the person who was the nicest to work with. So ask about people’s weekend plans, and actually remember what they say. Bring in brownies on a Monday. Offer to help with things. Be the colleague you’d want to have on a stressful day full of meetings that could have been emails.
17. Learn to truly listen.

Don't just make "uh-huh" noises while thinking about what you are going to say next. Really listen and take in their words. Especially when it comes to people who disagree with you.

18. Eat the cake.

Once, when I was in LA, I said no to a particularly spectacular donut. It still haunts me. Life is short, eat the food.

19. Don't save the good clothes for "special occasions."

In the state of the world today, being alive and having clothes to wear is a special freaking occasion. Wear the good jeans, the nice dress, your favourite top. Settling for subpar clothes means settling for a subpar day. And that's not how we roll.

20. You are not your anxiety.

Your anxiety is one of many, many things about you. You are not defined by it.

21. Find something that makes you laugh. Every day.

For me, right now, it's The Office.

22. 100% dark chocolate is THE BEST.

I know that I am the only person in the world who thinks so. But since I discovered Montezuma’s 100% Absolute Black, there is no going back. Sometimes, sugar really is overrated.

23. Meditating for five minutes per day is enough.

What's more intimidating than hearing meditation coaches recommend thirty minutes per day? I start and end every day with five, sometimes ten. And it's an absolute game-changer. Don't let lack of time stop you.

24. Don't skip the gym.

For me personally, namastay'ing in bed instead of going to yoga is not self-care. Actually doing the exercise is self-care. Skipping exercise makes me feel sluggish and tired. Unless I'm ill on on vacation, I'll be going to the gym/yoga class/out for a run.

25. Put Vaseline on your faux leather.

It's like sunscreen for your faux leather garments and accessories. You're welcome.

26. You don't need to iron your bedsheets, you crazy person.

Truth time - I'm an un-domestic goddess. I do the very bare minimum when it comes to taking care of my home. Could be because I moved a lot growing up, so I don't really have that sense of "home". But also just because there are more enjoyable things to do with your weekend!

27. It's okay if your socks don't match. Mine don't.

The amount of times this "fashion expert" was afraid to take her shoes off because one sock was black and the other a delightful white and red stripe.

28. Good grammar is sexy.

If I were single today, and the hottest man on Earth sent me a text where he got "its" and "it's" wrong, it would be a no for me. Seriously. Not even Jared Leto (okay, maybe Jared Leto. But no one else!).

29. Check in on your friends. Be the person who keeps in touch.

"Oh, we lost touch because life." Bullshit. You lost touch because you didn't keep in touch. Choose to actively keep in touch with your friends. Suggest meeting up. Be aware of what's happening in their lives. Be present.

30. Experiences > things.

As someone who has been gifted concert tickets for my last three birthdays, I wouldn't have it any other way. Hear that, husbands everywhere? Metallica tickets are better than jewellery. 

31. Your personal style is not set in stone. It can and will change.

As I consciously uncouple from my skinny jeans and vow to at least every once in a while wear colours other than black, I remember a decade ago when I first got into these elements and chose them as "mine". Personal style is fluid - that's part of what makes it fun.

32. Realise that you are not perfect - and neither are others.

This, to me, is key to having good relationships. Realising that I am sometimes selfish and inconsiderate has prompted me to work on those things - but it's also inspired me to be more forgiving towards people in my life when it comes to their imperfections. 

33. Travel when you can. And travel doesn't have to mean far.

"Travel" doesn't have to mean to the other side of the planet (although that sure is nice). It can mean just exploring a town close to you. One of my favourite travels this year was taking the train to Hastings.

34. Cotton knitwear is SO much more comfortable than wool.

I just can't with the itchiness. Or the cruelty to animals. 

35. Find time to read.

Reading is like travelling, but for your mind. And guys, it’s free (ever been to your local library?). Hot tip: if you don’t have time to read, skip ironing your bedsheets (see above).

36. Shopping second-hand is so much more fun than the high street.

It's a treasure hunt! Could you say the same about your sweaty Saturday-afternoon Zara trip?

37. Animals make you see life differently.

Dog-sitting puts everything into perspective for me. Animals' ability to marvel at life cannot be beat.

38. Listen to new music.

By this I don't mean music that was recently released (oh God no). I mean music that's new to you. Don't get stuck in the same 5-6 albums on repeat. Go for Spotify’s Discover feature - almost every time I do it, I find at least one song to like and keep.

39. Vegan cheese tastes better than dairy cheese.

I said what I said.

40. I'd rather be too nice.

I'd a million times rather be kind and have that taken advantage of than turning into one of those cynical, jaded people who are always suspicious towards others. I'd rather be fooled. Does that make me a fool? If it does, I guess I'm okay with it.

Wearing:

Dress, Depop

Shoes: Will’s Vegan Store (gifted)

Bag: FRIDA ROME (gifted)

Photos by Angela Susini